Babysteps!

Yesterday something very strange happened...I was nice to myself!
After my counselling session on Friday, we had talked about me trying to spend a little time everyday to relax and to try and find something to distract me when I feel the need to binge.
So yesterday, I was feeling a little miserable and I kept getting the familiar urge to binge. I kept trying to ignore it and ate healthilly instead but that niggling feeling was still there and I was sure Id give in at some point. Anyway, I got so fed up of it and just wanted to escape from the idiotic voice telling me I should eat what I want and then be sick if I wanted to.
I decided to turn off all the lights in my room, just had some little flowery lights on that Ive got and lit my oil burner. I got all my cute little cushions which dont usually serve a purpose except looking pretty and cocooned myself in themmy bed and put on some relaxing native american cd's on that I bought recently. I was planning to just stay like this and focus on my breathing for about 15 minutes but I ended up listening to the whole cd. I felt so relaxed and refresshed afterwards!
Then after that I put on a facemask, and laid in the bath with a good book for almost an hour!
This may not seem much but for me to spend that much time on myself is amazing!
Oh yeh.....after that, I actually went and booked myself a full body swedish massage for next week when Im off work! I cant wait for it!

Another amazing thing happened yesterday aswell. I went round to my friends house last night for a drink. We usually always do the same thing when we got there, we sit and watch dvd's or listen to music, chat, have a drink and......order a takeaway. Its like a ritual, the evening must end in greasy food!
But instead of my eyes lighting up and me thinking 'great I'll have this, and this and this and this and then I'll be able to make myself sick'...that didnt happen.
I ordered something, just like everyone else, and I enjoyed every mouthful but stopped eating when I was full. I didnt force myself to eat it all until I literally felt physically sick.
I did feel slightly guilty still that after being healthy all day, I had eaten something bad. But I somehow had this really positive voice just telling me, 'Its ok, tomorrow is a new day, just try again and do something nice for yourself again and dont beat yourself up!'

I am still getting the evil ED voice trying to chip in [in a voice a little quieter and further away than usual] and tell me what an idiot I was to eat it and how weak I was to keep the food inside me but you know what, that voice can PISS OFF! I made a mistake and I dont care, so leave me alone, your not ruining my day today!