Its been two days since I found the teeny tiny quite voice that told the loud, ominous and evil ED voice to GET LOST!
Im still fighting against that voice and Im doing ok. Yesterday, I took time out again to relax and focus on myself for a while and it felt good.
Despite having a slight hangover, where I usually jump at the opportunity to order a takeaway or make a greasy fry up to feed it, and then pay to the toilet god, I didnt! ED kept telling me I shoud do it, it would feel great if I did, go on, just do it! But, again, I fought against it and didnt cave in. I ate healthilly and ignored that annoying voice until it was just a whisper, defeated by that tiny positive voice that has been hidden and silenced for so long!
Im not going to be naive enough to believe that the ED side has been beaten into submission, god knows that its been hanging around for 13 years too long, but Im going to enjoy every minute that I manage to ignore it and try my best to keep fighting it. Ive been beating myself up for so long that its just so nice to have a positive voice in my head saying it will all be ok.
Even if that voice only sticks around for the next two days and then ED bites back with a vengence. I dont care, I know now that I can fight it, and I can ignore it. Im sure I'll feel down and end up binging again at some point, but Im going to try not to worry about when and where and how that will happen like I usually do, and just think that when it does happen, ED had better watch its back coz now I know that it has a weakness Im going to keep fighting it back!
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You go girl, Sam, you so can do it. I know it's so so hard and it can get very tiring but you CAN do this. I'm so happy you were able to fight yesterday. Good for you!
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Sarah
Thanks hun, just hope Im strong enough to stick to it this time! 13 years is too long to have wasted on all this! xxx
ReplyDeleteGood for you! You can fight this and those moments when ED kind of slinks off when you tell it to are proof of that. Those are the best kind of moments! Stay strong and keep fighting. You will get through this.
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