What a surprise

Well its happened, I caved in.
Im sat here now feeling like a disgusting, fat cow. Ive just eaten 4 slices of toast, 4 slices of bacon, 2 fried eggs, beans, super noodles, 6 kitkats, and randomly 2 pork pies and I feel so ashamed of myself.
Im so mad that Ive yet again completely lost control.
I am or was in the 'healty eating cycle' of the never ending whirlwind of a relationship with food.
Thats what I do, I go through the full on binge and puke stage for weeks/months, then I somehow snap out of it and just start eating 'normally', then I realise that oh shit, Ive put on weight again, so I try to be healthy about it and join Weight Watchers...it all goes well for a few weeks and then, usually at a weekend alcohol destroys my willpower and terrified that Im going to ruin all the hard work Ive done, I decide to be sick to get rid of all the bad things Ive had and shouldnt have done.
Ive been doing weight watchers for almost 4 weeks now and have lost 7 lbs and feel much better for it, obviously I still think I should have done better but thats another story. And then last weekend I had too much to drink and pigged out when I got home. Amazingly I didnt make myself sick after and just passed out on my bed, but the next day, I was basically starving myself to claw back the weight watchers points Id massively gone over the night before, but after a piddly bowl of soup, I felt guilty. I made myself sick for the 1st time in 2-3 weeks, which trust me is a real achievement and Ive carried on spirallying out of control ever since all week.
Ive also developed an obsession with my treadmill this week. Even after Ive made myself sick, Im convinced that my stupid fat body is clinging onto every last calorie of the food that Ive eaten and vomitted, so Ive been going on the treadmill to almost the point of collapse to try and get rid of any of the leftover claories and fat.

Anyway, Ive just heard the bathroom become free so Id better go and get rid of all this vile food inside of me before I put on 15 stone. Then later I will go on the treadmill again...just incase xxx