Merry Christmas!

So I went for a lovely meal with one of my best mates and my gorgeous little god daughter yesterday and it wasnt too bad. I had a carvery, and didnt deprive myself, had roasties and yorkshire pud etc and was feeling ok about it [thinking in back of my head that I wouldnt eat for the rest of the day] and then my mate decided to order pudding. Im not usually a big fan of pudding or anything sweet really, but my willpower has gone awol the last few weeks so I gave in and had a ridiculously choclatey, gooey, creamy pudding. Then the paranoia set in, there were a group of blokes eating in the same place, all laughing and having a good time, most probably because its xmas, but I started thinking it was because they were all looking at me and thinking 'Wow look at the size of her! She really didnt need to order dessert!'

Next stop was the toilets to try and get rid of all the crap Id eaten, but the toilets were full! Then when they quietened down, I started to try and make myself sick, but then a toilet flushed and I realised somebody was in there and then I found it totally impossible to be sick. Just couldnt do it.
I went straight to my counseller from there. And as expected, she could tell I was allover the place and tried to do some relaxation with me. It kind of settled me a bit but I find it so, so hard to relax. We discussed ways I could try to start relaxing a bit more, and I said that one of the most relaxing things for me is swimming........however, I dont dare swim in my hometown incase I see somebody I know. Im like a fish on holiday, I love it so much. Ive only been swimming once in the lst 9/10 years in my local pool and that was last year with my mate and my god daughter...I held her infront of my stomach the whole time! My counseller, N, has thrown the idea to me that I should try to challenge myself to at least go to the swimming baths and walk in there, even if I dont make it to the changing rooms. I'll have to see in the new year.
But it makes sense. I love swimming so much, why should I deprive myself?

Anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all, and heres to an exciting, hope filled New Year in 2010!

Lots of love, Sam xxxxxxxxxx